I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
