How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize