i don't plan on having that self control this summer
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed š
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You told him he ācould park his dick in your garageā.
Well he didnāt. It shouldnāt be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
