What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
