the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
