Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
