Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize