I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
third nipple confirmed
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
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