whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
