you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
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