Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
