So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
