Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
