also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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