Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
