omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
