1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Randomize
