saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Randomize
