Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
