I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
