The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
