I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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