i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize