He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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