Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
