She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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