Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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