i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
