just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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