i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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