Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
