What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
