What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
