im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
