just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
