I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Can you repeat that, but with context?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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