he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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