then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
