seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Randomize
