I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
foreskin is a definite game changer
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
