When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
