i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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