So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
