SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize