U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
