it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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