whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
