You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
