i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
