Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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