I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize