we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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