Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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