drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
