dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
