worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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