I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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