I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
