Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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