Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
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