never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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