My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Randomize
