do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
It was confusing and full of hummus
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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