Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize