unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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