There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
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