hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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