Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize
