3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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