God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
