you turned your livingroom into a bong?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
