but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
