Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
