alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
