Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize