When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I can't turn off my feet"
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
