Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I wish i was in the wii world.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
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