i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
