you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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