Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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