he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize