how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Is it penis luge time yet?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
