The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
