I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
