So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
