If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
