So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
