dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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